In April when I first learned of this addiction my husband had, I wanted to show a loving, forgiving heart. I was trying to be understanding. As time passed, I saw change but I wasn’t convinced it was real. It seemed like we were on a pattern that ever 6-8 weeks we would have a major blow up and I would find out more lies and the truth about how he was still struggling, but lying about it.
The first few months after it happened, I noticed change in my husband. Change in communication with me, I noticed new habits being formed (reading, journaling, praying), I noticed the difference in how he treated me and our kids. But it wouldn’t last very long and soon after, we would have a blow up. Every time we had a blow up, I questioned what was real and what was an act. Because of the lies, I had a very hard time believing any of the change was real and actually here to stay and that it wasn’t just a temporary thing to keep me off his back about it.
I know now that this is the real. Of course I have doubt on my bad days but I’m praying that this is the real thing and I’m trusting God that if it isn’t, He will bring light to whatever is in darkness.
Before, I noticed change in just a few areas of his life. The change this time, is so different and it’s a side of Brian I have never seen before. I feel like now, it really is a heart change. I have seen discipline and habits forming in all areas of his life. The discipline and self control is being done with the smallest choices. To name a few, here are some areas I have noticed change: His relationship with Jesus. He has formed habits and become disciplined with maintaining a relationship with Jesus. He reads all the time now (Bible or devotional or a book), He prays often. I remember in the past I would ask him what he was thinking about and it would always be drums stuff or house projects. Now most the time when I ask him what he’s thinking, he’s in prayer. I’ve seen a change in his relationship with others. Not just with me and our kids, but with extended family and friends. And he’s a little more willing to put himself out there to make new friendships. He has become disciplined with his health. He has formed better eating habits and working out habits. He has been so productive at work and patient with co-workers. Hearing him talk about his day at work and how he reacted, I know there is change. He is more intentional about his choices and everything he does day to day. I know he has a changed heart. A heart for Jesus.